Updated 11/11
Welcome to Fowler ... Vienna’s friendly neighbor to the north!
Fowler Tourist attractions:
* Fields, pastures & dirt roads!
* The cannon in Fowler Center
* The bench in Fowler center beside the cannon provides a grand view of the intersection
* The General Store (formerly known as Paul's Market) is the only place to buy beer in Fowler
* Fowler museum of erotic looking potatoes
* Three large rocks in center of town thought to be placed by aliens
* Mail Pouch murals on old barns
* Worlds biggest landfill
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*Neal Middle School (school/ & bomb shelter all in one)
Check out the breathtaking view of Fowler Center. Note the blinking red lights that Fowlers has. We don’t need a stoplight like Vienna has ... cows and horses are colorblind anyways right?
The grand Fowler Town Hall. Need I say more?
ABOVE: The famous Butts Museum of Fowler. I'm not sure what's in there. Does anyone know?
RIGHT: The water trough still exists for the Fowlerites’ thirsty horses who ride into town ... they can't afford to upgrade to a gas powered tractor.
The Fowler Fire Station also doubles as a bomb shelter for the Jr. High kids when bomb threats are called into Neal or if there is too much asbestos on the first floor to seek shelter in the school.
ABOVE LEFT: Behold the Full Service Salon and the famous General Store! An excited Fowlerite waits on the porch for the store to open to get a case of beer and feed for the hogs.
ABOVE RIGHT: Inside of the General Store: all items killed fresh daily.
RANDOM FACTS ABOUT FOWLER:
FACT: 80% of the population is related to each other
FACT: No Traffic light, but rather a blinking red light
FACT: No Bars
FACT: The General Store will not sell you cigarettes until you can see over the counter
FACT: Fowler Hair Salon will only cut and style hair similar to that of the characters in Charlie's Angels (They will also do styles similar to the likes of Who's The Boss and Family Ties)
FACT: There is less inbreeding in Fowler than in Vienna
FACT: It was once the lint ball capital of the world
FACT: It still is the lint ball capital of the world
FACT: The town founder really liked chickens as can be seen in the gene code of his descendants.
FACT: The Fowler school district & the Vienna school districts were consolidated in like 1960 something and the reason that they consolidated, Viennese couldn't figure out how to run a school or balance a budget wisely without trying to tax it's people with12 mil levies.
FACT: It's really spelled "Fouler"
Yep, Main Street Auto Sales. Take your pick. Car 1 ... or Car 2. This used to be the Used Tractor Dealership, until the Fowlerites saw how successful Vienna's Airport Auto was, so now they are trying to jump on the bandwagon.
The Fowlerites didn't know how to use phones, so it must have rotted and fell off from lack of use. The Fowlerties could just yell at each other anyways:
"Hey Martha, did ya notice the phone is gone?"
"What? Did you say the corn's done?"
"Hell's bells Fred, the phone, the PHONE!"
"What? We had a phone? Where? What we need that fer?"
Fowler is quite possibly the only place left in the U.S. where there is an oxen yoke hanging on the outside of the Post Office.
I wonder where if those long yellow bars are places to hitch the cows and horses when the Fowlerites go and check their mail?
The former secretary at Neal Middle School recently sent me some written excuses from parents of students that had missed class:
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Dear Principel,
Homer couldn't come to school yesterday. His hog took sick.
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Dear Scool,
Emmy won't be comin' fer a few days. She's finishin up her quilt.
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To who it does concern,
Jimmy-Joe ain't been in skool for a spell. His cow up and died and we's fixin to bury him but the shovel's broke, so we gotta drive in ta Cortland and see about a new one. Onced we git r done, he'll be back, I reckon.
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George and Jeannie'll neither be in school tomorrow. We're plannin a trip up ta Vienna ta take a look at some fancy machine up there on the strip and they won't get ta there chores til late.
Neal Middle School: Due to fiscal issues, the school closed its doors forever at the end of the 2010-2011 school year. Neal was famous for its lethal levels of asbestos that accumulated annually on the 1st floor and locker rooms.
The cannon is the most sot out tourist attraction in all of Fowler. It is still sometimes used for the wars between Fowler and Vienna.
Currie Elementary School is the evil twin of Vienna's Baker Elementary School! It is also home of everyone's favorite second grade teacher, Mrs. Gibson!
ABOVE LEFT: "Does anybody know where I can get some sweet corn around here? Bodacious sweet corn?! What exactly makes it bodacious?
ABOVE RIGHT: This church is one of two that is in Fowler. Vienna surpasses Fowler in the number of churches by far.
J & R Auto: This is actually a FABULOUS place to get your car/truck/tractor fixed! Just ask for Mike.
HERE ARE SOME EMAILS I RECEIVED FROM EX-FOWLERITES:
I attended Fowler High School before they consolidated with Vienna. Ralph Rathburn was the Fowler Fire chief. His house was next to the school and across Ohio 90 (now 193) from the Fire Station. One Christmas (1960, I think), his house caught fire and burned to the ground before anyone could get there. - Larry G
I moved to Fowler when I was 15 years old from Howland. You can imagine what an awful transition that was! I lived on Bradley-Brownlee, which was the last road in Fowler, across the street was Johnston Township, down at one end was Bazetta. It was a LONG bus ride to Mathews every day. Very few guys ever wanted to drive ALL the way to my street to pick me up for a date and then have to bring me home too. The Vienna dudes referred to us as "Fowler Girls." There were always jokes about us being farmers, rednecks, or worse. Truth is, we were just regular folks. We had a garden, no livestock. I always wondered why all the roads there have TWO names. Bradley-Brownlee, Everett-Hull, Cadwalder-Sonk. My brother used to call Sodom-Hutchins, "Scrotum"-Hutchins! There was a Dairy Queen back then, right next to the Neal building. That was a big treat. There was a little carnival by the church, but that stopped too. I think it was the Fowler Fair. Then there are still the pancake breakfasts at the fire station. We didn't get many treats in Fowler. We had a long drive to get anywhere worthwhile. I only remember it was lonely and somewhat embarrassing to reside there. Maybe in recent years it became more fun. I hope so. - Peggy M.
FUN THINGS TO DO IN FOWLER:
* Watch the barn fires or guess who's barn is going to be next!
* Flee from the Fowler/Vienna cops on farm equipment
* Two words: Cow tipping
* Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink
* Sit around and watch crabgrass sprout
* Count the feathers on your chickens
* Count the feathers on your neighbors chickens
* Read old editions of the "Farmers Almanac"
* Snort Mountain Dew through a straw
* Snort Mountain Dew through a straw while making out with your girlfriend
* Raid pumpkin patches
* Steal people's lawn pigs
* Old Man Schwartz's pond + alcohol - clothes = fun!
* Buy "sweat" corn
* Make fun of the darned city slickers who all live over yonder in Vienna
* Ski on Mount Kishmore
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*See how many times you can go through the stop light while it's still green . . . oh wait, that's Vienna
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*Visit the Fowler Trailer park!
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*Visit Mineral Springs Lake .. oops, sorry it closed!
The * Famous * Fowlerese couch swing! Established circa 1973 judging by the couch.
Look! There’s one of the Mathews High School delinquents! And she’s sleeping on the bench! Quick, fire the cannon!
This sign stands in front of Currie Elementary & Neal MIddle Schools. I should hope none of the K - 2nd graders smoke crack or shoot heroin. This sign should be removed from Neal, however.
I just wanted to share a document (below) that is widely used in the Fowler/Vienna area by proud parents of Baker and Currie students. I was recognized as the mayor of Fowler today and want to say thanks for making me the celebrity I am . . . although the paparazzi can be extremely annoying and I have been forced to use Michelle as a decoy, it is an honor and privilege . . . WHAT?? No Sash to wear!!!!! No key to the city ummm . . . town ummm . . . pasture NEVER MIND! - Linda R.
Sit back ...
Take a deep breath of the aroma of cow shit ... and enjoy the view!
RIGHT: Fowlerite Jimmy Mattes recently tried to recreate THE WAVE (like the one at Geauga Lake) for Fowler Home Day by shooting a hole in his neighbors pool ... too bad it only worked one time!
LEFT: The official ‘FALLOUT SHELTER’ icon proudly bolted next to the entrance of Neal.
In case of nuclear attack or natural disaster ... head to Neal Middle School in Fowler for shelter!
RIGHT: The best and ONLY way to fix anything, especially piping and insulation at the school, was with the use duct tape! Was Mr. Novicky here?
BELOW: One of the last photos taken at Neal Middle School. Shows the entrance into the gymnasium.
Oh look! There’s Mike from J & R Auto now! Off all major holidays ... including Ground Hog Day! (see sign below)